“I can touch bricks, and for the moment don’t believe gayness is a social construct or stifling invention, but a legacy."

- Jeremy Atherton Lin

Who am I? Where do I belong? These questions I have grappled with all my life. Throughout childhood and into early adulthood, as I have continued to explore aspects of my identity, these questions remain largely unanswered, at least in part. In reality, I’m not sure that there necessarily is an answer. Maybe who I am changes, or relies on more than who I just decide to be. Maybe I don’t belong anywhere, or maybe the place I belong changes too. Through this project, I would like to continue to explore aspects of my own identity in relation to the environments I interact with. Through the exploration of this relationship, I seek greater understanding of myself, my identities, the communities in which I belong, and the places that inspire personal growth.  

An increasingly important aspect of my identity is my sexual orientation. I am gay, and I identify as a man who is attracted to other men. This has always been the case, yet in the not-so-distant past that is something that I could never have expressed so boldly. I didn’t feel seen or heard in the place I came to realize that fact, and have struggled ever sense to land near people or places where I can feel truly comfortable with myself. More recently, my University has provided me with incredible opportunities to explore my academic and career interests, and build a community of skilled and motivated individuals. Although thankful for the experience, I have struggled to find spaces and communities where I feel accepted and comfortable. As a result, I’ve found myself visiting places off campus and interacting with individuals beyond the university town, leaving me feeling split between two worlds.

When professors misspoke of queer rights or peers joked of gay interactions, it stung and I looked for escape. Denver’s self-acclaimed premiere queer bar “Tracks” became a refuge of sorts, where I could forget about the comments and stares for a night. Finding comfort in being around like-minded individuals, I became eager to explore the places where those types of interactions happened. Over the next few years, I had the opportunity to visit “La Noche” in Puerto Vallarta, “Club Unity” in Montreal, and “Sidetrack” in Chicago, among others. Along with the entertainment and momentary comfort, these places broadened my perspective on what it meant to be gay and most certainly left more questions than answers. Jeremy Atherton Lin in his book “Gay Bar” observantly states that “…the men didn’t come to the city to be who they’d always been, but who they wanted to be. They didn’t move to a place they knew as a reality, but one inscribed on their imagination…” Was I really embracing myself in these experiences, or doing my best to become who I thought I should be? I became interested in exploring how places, especially those frequented by gay individuals, have in impressive power to either build up or tear apart our notions of personal identity. 

“Gay bars are about potentiality, not resolution. Gay bars are not about arriving. The best ones were always a departure…” 

– Jeremy Atherton Lin 

The focus of this project extends beyond gay bars to explore the history and significance of such locations, among others. I want to learn why such places become popular and what types of other places can similarly become a haven for gay identifying people. I want to explore how places can become so tightly interwoven into a person’s identity, because I’ve yet to experience that feeling. For years I have carefully reflected on the places and communities I interact with, seeking to better understand how I can intentionally engage with my surroundings. Through such reflections, I’ve learned the value of new perspectives, building relationships, and welcoming new experiences with an open mind. I chose Europe as the primary location for further exploration of such ideas because of the rich queer history, inspiring physical landscapes, and unavoidable international influences. It is my intention to broaden my perspectives and build international relationships in ways that I haven’t before. Through experiencing a diverse set of spaces, events, monuments, artworks, and community gatherings, I hope to better understand a community I am unavoidably tied to as a part of my personal identity.